Are you always working overtime even when you need to be home with your kids? Do you frequently pinch-hit in a project for a colleague? Have you tried to get out of working on weekends just to end up going to the office anyway?

If you always find yourself in these situations, it’s probably because you don’t know how to say no, thinking that by refusing you’re being mean and selfish.

Not at all.

You don’t have to say yes to all requests and demands. Saying no is not being insulting or self-centered; it is not giving in to abuse. It is finally having the time to attend to your needs.

So how do you start saying no assertively? Here are some tips:

1. Let go of emotional hooks. Your upbringing may have taught you to be more considerate, to value self-sacrifice, and to feel guilty for hurting the other person’s feelings. This emotional baggage hampers you from enjoying the freedom to do what you want, so let it go.

2. Stand your ground. If talking to a particularly persuasive person, express the firmness of your decision by making eye contact and saying no in a non-apologetic tone.

3. Recognize a legitimate request. A colleague may really be in need of your expertise on a certain project. Determine if your help is really required or if he or she is just asking for it since you never refuse.

4. Stop the cycle. Pinch-hitting for a colleague once too often could lead to more work for you and the abuse of your kindness. Say no and explain clearly why you can’t grant the request, and others will eventually realize that you’re not always there to do their tasks for them.

5. Remember that you can’t please everybody. If you think turning down a colleague’s request would mar your friendship, then she might not be the friend you thought she was. If co-workers only like you for always doing their bidding, then they are looking out not for your best interest but only for their own.